Have you ever had an argument with someone? One that started out as something little but quickly escalated to something quite serious.  In the end, the argument was never settled, both people parting ways (i.e. one person storming off before the argument can continue).  And the result of that argument and what was said bothers you, because you know words were thrown that were terrible and hurtful and there’s no way to take them back. The memory of the argument settles you though, as you decide that it was the fault of both parties—not just you alone. The whole event is shoved to the back of your mind, where it quietly nags at you no matter how much time passes.  A part of you that sits at the back of your mind playing a quiet game of backgammon with the memory wants you to somehow make amends, while the other part of your mind playing street hockey says to forget it already.  Eventually the hockey puck lands on the backgammon table and the sitting part has no choice but to roll over under the table for a nap, completely subdued.  The argument is forgotten for the time being.

Then somehow, someway--What if there was a way to completely recall that argument, word for word, blow for blow?  To have everything said thrown back in your face.  It comes back full circle to bite you in the ass, as you relive the argument…and realize you were the one completely in the wrong.  You instigated the argument, you egged it on, and you batted away any terms of civility for a sharp-edged tongue.  

And the circumstances of the argument alone…the circumstances cast a shadow over you. Instead of kindness and understanding, you exhibited spite and bitterness.  There was no reason for the argument, other than your own selfish wants and needs that felt betrayed.  You couldn’t handle a simple truth or realization, and the backlash was a terrible, monstrous thing.  You snapped at the hand that fed you and didn’t stop until you felt a finger or two was missing.  It’s not until you look back, that you realize how wrong you were.  How little you deserve forgiveness, and how much you deserve how you’re suffering now.